Needed & Known

The Podcast exploring extraordinary life stories

self awareness

How to Turn a Dream into a Business

You’ve got a really great idea. And some self-doubt. And tons of fear. But it has the nerve to wake you up first thing every morning with new ideas.

Ericka gets it. She was told “no” many times. And in the middle of a pandemic when her industry was struggling, she tried to buy a business.

In this episode you will learn how to rally your troops to help you fight the “no’s” and some of Ericka’s quick tips to help propel you in your industry.
The transcript and resources for this episode can be found below.

Notes and Resources

Hartworks Floral Website

Hartworks Floral Instagram

Transcript

Cassandra: [00:00:00] Hey friend, it’s Cassandra, and this is needed and known the podcast where we show you how to have joyful relationships and meaningful conversations through life-changing stories.

Have you ever wondered what it looks like in real life to pursue a dream? Not the sales pitch of here’s how I make a billion dollars a month, but the real work is done.

Overcoming fear and freaking out to your people dream I’m introducing you to Ericka will share her journey and some friendly advice she’s picked up on her way to being one of the leading florists in Southern California. 

Ericka: [00:00:31] Thanks so much for having me. 

Cassandra: [00:00:32] So take us on this journey with you. Where did youstart? 

Ericka: [00:00:35] Well, I went to school to be an interior designer. So I started out as a commercial interior designer  in San Diego. And  did that for a couple of years, went on to become a design assistant. And then I just tinkered in a bunch of different positions trying to find something I was passionate about.

 Never really landing on it. But I worked  as a assistant manager for a bookstore, did a lot of buying and merchandising for them.  I worked as a department assistant at one time. I was an event coordinator at one time. So I kind of just bounced around for a while, trying to figure out what I wanted to do.

Cassandra: [00:01:12] That 

sounds really fun and beautiful. What really drove 

you to do all of that?

Ericka: [00:01:17] I did not want to have. A nine to five. That was like the biggest thing for me. I  am a creative and I functioned very well with  different experiences. So I don’t want to sit at a desk all day. Sit at a desk for half a day and then go do something else. So I was constantly filling my time.  While I was working in the bookstore part-time I was nannying part-time so that I was doing different things and I was able to move around and stuff. 

Cassandra: [00:01:48] Were there any like fears or things that you told yourself like to make you believe you had to have a full-time job or what sounds like over a full-time job?

Ericka: [00:01:56] I did that a lot for.  Up until I turned 26, I was kicked off my parents’ health insurance. So that was the day I knew I had to go get a real full-time job, a real full-time job. 

Cassandra: [00:02:08] The game changer, I need insurance. 

Ericka: [00:02:11] I’m such a critical, like a logistical critical thinker that I was like, okay, now’s the time.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do. That was when I went into that design department assistant position, because I was like, I don’t know what I want to do, but I know I need health insurance and I wanted to be able to move out into my own apartment. So  I needed to make enough money to be able to afford my own.

So those were the two things that got me there. That’s what happens when you grow up, 

Cassandra: [00:02:37] it made you  so you, now you’ve got bills, you’ve got insurance, you’ve got things you need to pay for it. How did it feel to take the leap? I remember you going from full-time to part to more part-time so that you had time to do the things that you were realizing you wanted to do, and that you were really made for.

 How did that feel? That full-time to part-time transition? 

Ericka: [00:02:58] It was relieving, but it was also very stressful for me.  I am my biggest critic. I have always been my biggest critic. I hold myself to very high standards  very high levels of excellence. So  for me it was exciting because I came to a time where I could really focus on things.

I was passionate. For, rather than just trying to collect a paycheck.  But it was also difficult because I, I wasn’t quite meeting my own standards and  it, I don’t know, it was an interesting season. I was definitely grateful to have people around me who were encouraging me through it because I didn’t really know what I was doing.

I just knew I was ready for the next thing.

 Well, that all kind of happened around the time I got married. So  my husband’s been one of my biggest supporters. It just got a little cheat teary-eyed, which is so weird.  But  he’s been one of my biggest supporters and like I said, I’m hyper critical of myself. So there was  a lot of times that I questioned what I was doing.

He was always in my ear telling me that it’s going to be okay, we’re gonna figure it out together.  We’re going to be able to take the next step together. So  he was always a huge support of me. I also had my parents who  Or just, you know, in my ear that just because I want things to be done  perfectly doesn’t mean that they always have to go perfectly.

And I think  you know, being a believer, that’s kind of one of the cool things that the Lord shows us that we don’t have to do everything perfectly, even though my standard is really high. It doesn’t have to go that way all the time. And so it’s really been the people around me that have come to me and reminded me of these things.

Cause I need these reminders daily. 

Cassandra: [00:04:51] I think, you know, perfectionism is this illusion, right? And it, it always evades us. Cause it doesn’t, it doesn’t exist in our own power. Like it’s not something that we can get to. And so you have this image of your head of what it looks like. So it sounds like you kind of learned to break through.

In this process, which sounds very challenging because it’s your, it’s your life, right? It’s your apartment, it’s your food. It’s everything, because you’re hoping that it works. So.  Did all of the heavens and angels sing once you started calling yourself a wedding florist, what happened in 

this next? But I haven’t been angels if you mean everyone around me, then yes, that definitely happened because it was kind of crazy.

Ericka: [00:05:35]  So I’m a wedding and event florist. And I have, I technically started playing with flowers. I say, because it’s an art form where we’re practicing all the time. But  I started playing with flowers when I was in high school. I took my first class and just as a continued education class  for fun, but I really enjoyed it.

And I learned the fundamentals, which this was over 10 years now  a little bit longer.  So. You know, working on this for a long time, but I, I picked up  kind of this part-time, you know, doing this on my own three years ago or three and a half years ago now.  And it was so funny because a friend encouraged me to  to do it for a wedding that she was coordinating and I came alongside her and  did the flowers and.

Whoa like this, this is people’s careers. Like this is something that you could make a living doing. I was so fulfilled. I was so encouraged and we were out in the beating hot sun, you know, creating an arch at the ceremony and I was just so fulfilled. So  that was kind of the start of me being a wedding florist, but it wasn’t enough to be full-time.

I took  sometime working a full-time job and doing that as well.  And it wasn’t until I came to this new opportunity, which we’re talking about now, where I finally decided, okay, no, like this is really who I am, and this is the career path that I can see myself going down for. A long time. 

Cassandra: [00:07:14] I think, I think that’s so that’s the way that it goes for a lot of people who, who make that leap right. It’s I’m going to stick my toe. I think, you know, the popular terms are side hustle and you know, those kinds of things, what it really is, is like exploring something that you’re really passionate about in your, you know, any extra time people can get really hung up. Like you said, like on the perfectionist or like, oh, I’m not a wedding florist.

Well, wedding Flores was always.  What did, what was the term you used, you playing with flowers, somebody who plays with flowers, like that starts somewhere. So whether you’re in your teens or your twenties or your thirties, or even your fifties or sixties, you have to start playing with them or whatever it is somewhere.

So I love that. That’s what you did. You were like, this is, oh, this is that thing. It’s it’s a beautiful thing that you dove into that as opposed to like, people will feel that it breaks my heart. Cause people will feel that. And then they’re like, this is amazing. And then immediately bring it back down.

Like it’s too bad. I can’t do this more often. And you’re like, but you could, like, you just have to, you have to make the time, create the environment for it. Tell people that you did some flowers and I really love. So you start gearing up to buy a business. Can you walk us through that experience?

Ericka: [00:08:26] Definitely.  How much time do we have? No, I’m just kidding.  Yeah, so  through the wonderful year of 2020  it kinda came down to a point where  All weddings were canceled or postponed. I had some small elopements, but ultimately it was a year of pause for our industry. And  I was kind of trying to decide what route I wanted to go.

Honestly, I was like, am I in this? Or am I done? Those are, those were my questions.  And  my husband and I started looking into, you know, what would send some next steps and opportunities before me. And  I. This sounds crazy. Heard about a website where people sell their businesses. I found a business that I wanted to buy and I called them up and went and met them and saw the space.

And that’s kind of where the journey began.  Over the next eight months.  We worked through contracts, waste agreements. I had to bring in a lawyer and accountant.  I had to get investors. I had to  do a lot of work to finally be able to say that I purchased a business. I bought a business  and there was so many.

Hills and valleys, there was ups and downs. There was good moments, stressful moments. There were seasons months where I was like, is this even happening or is this not happening?  

Cassandra: [00:09:54] Okay. So when you, so you’ve started this process and so do you, do you have like an agent or do you just go like, Hey, I want to, I want to buy a business.

Like, how does that. How does that work? 

Ericka: [00:10:09] Oh, this is gonna be a whole nother episode. I learned.  

Cassandra: [00:10:11] Teach us, teach us

Ericka: [00:10:14] technically, when you are selling a business, you can do private. It’s just like, I don’t know if it’s just like, I never bought a home, but it’s similar to buying a home. You could sell it yourself or you can hire  a business broker to sell it for you. So  that was one of the deep valleys that we experienced in this process.

Was she. Had hired a broker to help her sell the business.  Long story short, he wasn’t actually a broker. And  I, I don’t know how to tell this in a condensed version, but for the most part  he ghosted me and he didn’t, he didn’t return it. 

Cassandra: [00:10:49] So the agent that was representing her was like, you’re not a good fit for this.

Ericka: [00:10:54] Yeah. Actually I found out. So when you buy a business, you can have a representative and they can have a representative, I guess, you know, similar to real religious Realtree.  So in. It’s  well, to get to the nitty gritty, they get a 10% commission and either the one person gets it, who’s selling and buying and representing both people.

Or they have to split it between two brokers and they each get the 5%. So this broker wanted it all for himself. So he was negotiating with me, but he wasn’t returning my calls. So I picked up the phone and found another broker and called him and said, what am I doing this wrong? What’s going on? This guy offered to call the original broker and do some investigative work for me, pro bono, which was amazing.

 I had been waiting weeks for a response and within 20 minutes he called me back and said, I just talked to him and he said, you’re not qualified. They do not want to go with you. And  they’re not interested. And I thought, what the heck? Like, okay, that’s my answer. This is not going to work. 

Cassandra: [00:12:04] You’d met with her.

Ericka: [00:12:05] Right. 

Cassandra: [00:12:05] And the business owner and had good rapport. You felt like you were vibing and like, okay, this is going to be a thing. Kind of like, oh, this is something like, oh, we can see the magic. And then you’re not a good fit 

Ericka: [00:12:19] from based on what the business broker said. So I thought, okay, I’m out. My husband came home from work.

I told him the story. And he said, you know what? I, I’d never been in direct contact with her. The owner only this broker, he said, find an email address online, send an email and say, Hey, I’m so sorry if I wasted your time.  If you aren’t interested, then, you know, I totally understand. I was really excited for this.

And if you change your mind in the future, let me. Signed it with my signature, which had my cell phone number on it. And within five minutes, she called me and said, what? That is not the case. I loved you. You were adorable. You’re totally the kind of person that I would want to continue my legacy take over my business.

I want to move forward with you. I said, okay, we can do that, but I don’t want to work with. And we continued moving forward. Just turn I working on this deal. 

Cassandra: [00:13:13] This is a classic case of no does not mean no, 

Ericka: [00:13:16] exactly. And let me tell you that was the first of probably four nos that I experienced on that eight month journey.

Cassandra: [00:13:24] Are you able to share any of those? 

Ericka: [00:13:27] Of course she, so I took over a 2000 square foot, a studio space. It’s got two floral studios in it. Two offices, two restrooms.  Two entries. It’s, it’s really cool. It has all of her stuff in it. And I, that was a part of my acquisition.  And she had been in this space for 19 years previous to me coming in.

And  they had gone through three different building owners and she didn’t have a, and. And I said, well, I’m not gonna take this over.  The space and all of this stuff. It, she has built in coolers. She has industrial sinks. All of these things that I haven’t had in my previous space are things that I am acquiring.

So I want to ensure that there’s a proper lease in place.  Yeah, makes sense. Right. So  we spent three months trying to get a hold of the landlord, calling, emailing, texting with no response. And  it was another hurdle for us to get through because to her she’d been here for 19 years. That’s fine.

Can you just be okay with that? And to me. You know, no, I need to have a proper lease. I want to know that  when I move in, they’re not going to evict me the next month. I want to know that, you know, they’re okay with a new person coming in. And  that was really important to me. So that was the second half of our eight month journey  was spent trying to get a proper lease in place.

And  Literally I signed the lease and the next day I signed a contract or maybe vice versa. I signed a contract with her and the next day I signed the lease for the space because it was that important to me. And that’s all we were waiting for to close the deal. 

Cassandra: [00:15:13] Having these nos come at you at any point, are you feeling like I might fail at this?

Ericka: [00:15:19] Yes. Yes. Cassandra, I did feel like I might fail at this and ultimately it’s  It’s kind of a crazy story because. I was okay with that. It was totally something that I 

Cassandra: [00:15:35] Wait…. A perfectionist is okay with failing?!. This is a whole separate episode. No tell seriously though. How did that tell us what you think happened inside or what you were hearing from around you?

How did you 

Ericka: [00:15:48] not to be a Jesus freak, but totally my relationship with God. I, I handed this over to him every single morning and I said, Months  wanting to fall asleep at 10 o’clock at night, exhausted to be up at 3:00 AM with thoughts and questions, and I’d pull out my phone and I’d be jotting down notes and things I need to work on, or, you know  I’m very grateful for other people in the industry, connections I’ve made.

And so who should I call tomorrow and ask about where I’m at or.  You know, what are resources that I can, I can use to make this happen? Because there’s just so many unknowns and I, I didn’t know what the outcome was going to be, but like I said, I, I. Gave it back to God every morning. And I said, okay, if this is going to happen, then it’s going to happen.

And I would love for it to happen. And I’m working really hard to make it happen. But if it doesn’t happen, then, you know, we figure out the next thing, 2020 has been a crazy year. And I think a lot of people experienced that. What am I doing with my life? Do we move out of state? Do we start a new career?

Like what direction do we want to go with our, with our career path or family or whatever?  So, you know, for us, it was like, okay, if this is going to happen, that’d be great. But if it’s not going to happen, then I’m ready to move on to the next thing, which is why, when I say. The broker that I found called and said, it wasn’t going to work.

I was like, okay, great. That’s a door that’s closed and we’re going to move on to the next one.  But it’s definitely, I mean, don’t give me too much credit because it’s not, I am a perfectionist and I do want everything  to go swimmingly.  But this is just, this is just a different experience for me to be like, okay, if it’s not going to happen, then it’s just not going to.

 Cassandra: [00:17:41] That’s great.   So literally that day that you got the call  within 20 minutes, that’s that cracks me up. That he called you back within 20 minutes, but he called you back within 20 minutes. And he said, Nope, they you’re not qualified for, they they’ve said you’re not qualified for this.

So that’s what happened. Okay. And then you tell your husband that, and he’s like, That seems strange. 

Cause I think you’re very qualified, seemed like that was going to work out just in a little love note and see what happens.  And you know, my husband’s always like you don’t get, if you don’t ask what other questions from friends were helpful during this time, as, as opposed to like, Hey Ericka, how’s that florist thing going?

You know what I mean? That’s not a helpful question. 

Ericka: [00:18:22] I started this thing. In the middle-ish  of that journey where I, in the beginning, I didn’t know, like, is this going to happen at all? And then  there got to a point where she actually had a couple bids and I was one of them and I turned it into her.

 And I was waiting for her response. I was very passionate about continuing her legacy and  pushing on what she’s built. She started this company before I was born. So it’s been around San Diego for over 30 years.  And.   In the middle of this journey, I actually started a close friends group on my Instagram and I had 25 or 30 people on there.

And I just used it as like a daily journal. Like, Hey, today I did this or today I didn’t hear from this person or whatever.  And that was honestly one of the coolest things I could’ve done because.  Instead of blasting it out to everyone on my social media, it was a very small group of people that I trusted that I, I loved that loved me.

 And that encouraged me. And  with any post I was, I mean, I think there was like, it started out with maybe 15 or 17 people, and then it ended up growing. I’d mentioned it to people and it ended up growing to about 30 people, but I would share an update. Daily or every other day. And I would just get DMS constantly from people who I didn’t even know were paying attention.

You know, they’re like, oh yeah, add me. And I added them on. And then, you know, they’d be texting me like, oh my gosh, like you’re such a boss, babe. Or, you know, I can’t believe you’re working so hard on this. Or  I have a lot of self doubt. So just hearing other people say you’re doing a great job, means so much to me.

And  there was so many people around me that were doing that when once we ended up closing the deal  even afterwards I had a hard time believing that this even happened. And even to this day, I’m like, wait, what? Like this is mine.  But over the last few months, since we. I have rebranded, I’ve taken over this 2000 square foot space.

As I said, that was lavender and a bit of a hoarder’s nightmare with all of the stuff she’s accumulated over the years. And  I had people here every weekend helping me organize paint, go through stuff. So just that constant support of people around you. Was so helpful in times where I was not giving myself enough grace, there were others around me who were like, Hey, no, you’ve got this and you’re doing the best you can.

Or you don’t even have control of that. So, you know, let it go and move on to the next thing. 

Cassandra: [00:21:07] I love that. That’s so good. There are, you know, you’ve got your network, right? And you’ve got the people, you have people who are close to you, who will support you and encourage you. And there are people who are close to you who are going to ask those hard questions and are going to discourage you and with good intention, right?

Like they have, their heart is in the right place. They want the best for you, but they’re like looking out for you in a way that’s harmful.  And so for that situation,  you created a safety net, basically a bubble of this is what I need. This is what I’m going to get. And I’m going to protect myself.

 In our culture, there’s a lot of.  Just put it out there. Who cares? What other people say? Well, when you care, what other people say you care  it matters. And especially when you’re going into an industry where it does matter what people think, because you want to have  pretty arrangements.

And  I’m so proud of you for doing that because I don’t think. Enough people protect themselves in that way. And I love that you have intentionally surrounded yourself with people who are supportive and who love you, and who are going to tell you all the things you need to hear because they know your heart and they know your brain.

And they know, I know what Ericka is saying to herself, and I’m going to tell her she’s a boss, babe. 

Ericka: [00:22:21] Yeah. And I, I put that out there. Like I  started using. Responses with positive notes because that’s, , I don’t want you to come off reading something that I say as negative. So I started with a positive note and I think people are super receptive of that.

They see that and want to do the same. 

Cassandra: [00:22:40] So what advice do you have for people, for individuals who want to pursue a dream? What have you learned that you would like to impart?  

Ericka: [00:22:47] There are people. Around you who love themself and love what they do enough to share it with you. People love being complimented.

So I just walk around and  I meet new people and I’m like, oh my gosh. Yeah. I do know you. I saw you on Instagram, or I know you partnered with this person for this event or whatever, compliment them, and then ask them to meet up or catch up or grab coffee.  I want to know more about you or whatever that is.

I have found so many fruitful relationships by just asking someone new to go grab coffee.  I am a big networker, so I go to networking events a lot. I find that they are actually an enjoyable day off to me, which I know some people do not enjoy them and they would feel very differently.  I’ll go to a networking event on a day off, I’ll meet a new person.

And next thing you know, I’m chatting with a florist. Who’s opened two retail locations actually bought her first one as a business, just like I’m doing. And I spent an hour FaceTiming with her and learning everything that she learned. For example, just because you’re buying a space with a bunch of junk in it doesn’t mean it’s valuable.

It could be just junk that now you have to go through.  So I think my encouragement would be to find people that you admire what they’re doing and  just going into them. Cause they’re more than happy to share the information that they’ve, 

Cassandra: [00:24:16] That’s really good. That is really good.  You know, I’m a big fan of reading and a big fan of learning and growing.

So I was reading a book by Brian Grazer who helps start a production company. And then Bob Goff and Donald Miller. Now Bob Goff and Donald Miller  know each other, but they don’t know Brian Grazer to my knowledge  .  And they also the same thing they all said, most people genuinely want to help you.

If you ask, they will do their best to help you, right? Like people aren’t going to give you a millions of dollars, but they will give you their time.  And so I think that is such a valuable, valuable tip. 

What advice would you have for the dreamers, friends and family? 

 Ericka: [00:24:55] I think that what I learned through this experience is everyone moves at their own pace.

And  your. Goals or your vision of next steps might not be that person’s vision for their next steps. So to  give them grace and understanding and encouragement because we all function different differently. I, for example  working from home, I am a very slow worker. I get very distracted with household chores and so I would come home some days and my husband.

What do you, what’d you get done today? Like, what are you working on? And I’d be like, oh, well I did the dishes or, you know, whatever. And  he just had so much grace and understanding with, okay, well, that’s where she’s at today. And let me tell you, I now. An office and I spend eight to 10 hours here, which is not healthy.

I’m working on my boundaries. It’s just a very busy season.  And I get so much stuff done here because it’s just a more productive space for me. So  I’m just grateful that he had the space to give me that grace and understanding, 

Cassandra: [00:26:06] and we know that you’re leaving it there because you just said you don’t know how to take it home very well with you. So that’s good. Eight to 10 hours for a new business. Sounds okay to start. And you know, so this is that age, 10 hour, seven days. We can talk about this offline. Do you have anything that you want to add? 

 Ericka: [00:26:25] There was one other piece of advice I had for an individual looking to pursue something.

 Make sure it’s something that you’re truly passionate about because ultimately  When it gets down to doing something you love. And like I just said, working long, long hours  you have to make sure it’s worth it for you, for your family, for your, you know, money and  All that kind of stuff, because it, it takes a lot of time.

There’s a quote I love, which says entrepreneur is a person who’s up late working a hundred hours for themselves to avoid working 40 hours for someone else, 

Cassandra: [00:27:01] Whether you’re the dreamer or the friend of a dreamer. I know that Ericka had some great notes for you. Remember, you can always get those in the show.

Or by going directly to needed a known.com/podcast. Thank you for helping Ericka be needed and known, and you know, the drill. If you enjoy this podcast, please leave a review. Until you need me next time.

What happens when the perfect home burns down?

You need to go home. Your house is on fire.

She stared at her grocery cart and son in disbelief at the words she heard. How is this possible? She was home just a few hours ago and everything was fine.

When I see a story on the news of a house fire, I wonder what happens next? What would I do if they were my friend or loved one? In this episode, you’ll meet Jamie. She will share everything about what happens when a home burns down from insurance phone calls to what your loved ones you actually need.
This episode could be emotionally triggering as she briefly mentions her pets. Listener discretion is advised. 
The transcript and resources for this episode can be found below.

Resources

American Red Cross – What to Do After a Fire

Introduction

[00:00:00] Cassandra: On this episode of needed and known, I’m introducing you to my friend, Jamie, while she was running errands, Jamie’s house burnt down.

[00:00:08] We see stories on the news of homes burning down. And I know I’m not the only one to wonder where did they go and what happens next? Jamie, will share everything from insurance phone calls to what your loved ones you actually need.

[00:00:19] And it’s not anything I thought of as you know, I encourage guests to be who they are. So I want to warn you that this episode could be emotionally triggering as she briefly mentions her pets. Listener (and reader) discretion is advised. 

The Perfect Home

This is the one. So it’s happy and it’s peaceful. 

Jamie, describing her house

[00:00:32] Can you tell us a little bit about buying your first home? 

[00:00:36] Jamie: Yeah, so it was a long process. It took us about four years to be able to go through the entire process, saving up getting credits  getting approved, finding a house, being able to get an offer in and a house.  The whole thing, you know, we didn’t come from backgrounds that kind of gave us that foundation. So it was just. Learn as we go.

[00:00:56] It was one of those things that I told my husband, I want to be a homeowner. And he looked at me like, I was crazy. Like, we’re never gonna own a house. Like we don’t do that. You know, we’re paycheck to paycheck people. And I was like, no, this doesn’t make sense. So it was a huge goal and it took forever. We actually ended up using  a first-time home buyers program in our County because we couldn’t get approved by ourselves. So it was a long process. And then even buying the house, people were like, no, the process is going to take too long. We’re not going to accept your offer. There’s too many what ifs. And so it was a long time.

[00:01:32] So this was like, when we found our house, it was like, this is it. We made it like this. Everything came to life. So it was super exciting for us. And it was something that we didn’t expect for ourselves previously, nobody around us expected. And it was, I don’t know, we just kind of did it. 

[00:01:49] Cassandra: That’s awesome.

[00:01:50] Can you tell us a little bit about your home? 

[00:01:53] Jamie: It’s modest it’s small it’s  in a subdivision, a cookie cutter community, three bedrooms, two bathrooms.  Very small for us. We have four kids. My husband had three before we got married. Now we added another one. So there are six of us in the house. And then my mom kind of jumped along.

[00:02:10] So it’s crowded. There’s a lot of us in it.  But it’s happy. So it’s like our peaceful spot.  It’s everything we liked. It’s got a lot of light in it. It’s concrete black, it’s got high ceiling. So all of those things, we’re like, oh, it’s what we would have pictured if we could have, I guess, had a choice, not like we really had much of one when we were shopping, but it was like, when we saw that it was like, this is it. This is the one. So it’s happy and it’s peaceful.

The Phone Call

…You need to go home right now. The fire department is at your house.

Jamie’s Mom

[00:02:40] Cassandra: That’s awesome. Okay. So what happened one day you’re shopping at target and everything changed with a phone call? 

[00:02:49] Jamie: Yeah. Yeah. So I’ll give a little bit of context before that we have a stove that had been acting up.  There was a couple of times that I came into the kitchen.

Once I came from out of town, we hadn’t even been in the house and I was like, I started smelling something. I’m like, what’s going on? And the stove was on, but we hadn’t cooked. And I’m like, That’s weird, but I didn’t really think anything of it. So I started getting in like this OCD habit of checking everything, touching all the burners is this on all the time, because I started becoming paranoid.

[00:03:17] So I was actually at a doctor’s appointment that morning. And after my doctor’s appointment, I went to Target with my son and we were just kind of browsing the aisles. And my mom called me and she was like, Have you talked to anybody, have you been home? I’m like, no, I’m at target. And she said, well, I keep on getting these phone calls.

[00:03:35] I think they’re prank phone calls. And somebody is saying that your house is burning down and I’m like, Why are you getting calls? Because she didn’t, she didn’t nothing links her to here. She slept here, but all of her mail goes somewhere else. And she has an out-of-state phone number. It doesn’t make sense to call her.

[00:03:52] So she’s like, it’s probably just a prank call. I have your uncle go over there because he lives down the road. And so she called me back about 15 minutes later, she was like, no, you need to go home right now. The fire departments at your house. And I don’t even know what you can think at that time I grabbed my son.

[00:04:07] I left the cart with all the groceries, which is like such an irresponsible, not me. Right. And ran out of the store. I must’ve looked like I was probably robbing the place, the speed I ran out of there and got home as fast as I could. I was doing like a hundred, like my mind was blank. I mean, I couldn’t even think of anything.

[00:04:27] What is, what does this mean? The fire department is at my house, like. That’s never a scenario in all of my overthinking that I ever thought of. 

[00:04:34] Cassandra: It sounds like you were just following your last direction. Your mom was like, go home and you were like, I have to go home. My house is burning down. Goodbye groceries, like going straight out the door.

[00:04:45] Jamie: Yeah. So it wasn’t until I was on the interstate, my husband called me. He was like, I just got a call from your uncle. What’s going on? I was like, I’m on my way home right now. And he, the worst timing ever, he just blurted out. He’s like, Oh, the pets are dead. And I was driving like, “This is the wrong time to tell me!! What are you talking about? How do you know?” He was like, “I don’t know. He just told me.” And I was like, “How does he know?!” And I was just like, Saying nothing all the way home. My son’s in the back, mommy, what’s wrong. And I couldn’t even get words.

I pull up to my house and there’s fire trucks there and it’s a big scene and there’s people down my street and I’m like, what’s going on?

[00:05:28] And I’m looking on the outside of my house and I’m going. I thought they said there was a fire. 

Where’s the Fire

[00:05:33] Cassandra: Oh. So you can’t even see anything.

[00:05:35] Jamie: Not from where I was. So our kitchen is where it started and that was a further back behind the garage. So  if I would’ve seen the sides of the house that weren’t covered up by neighbors, trees, I would have been like, Oh, okay.

[00:05:47] Like windows are blown out. Things like that. But from the front end, like other than that, all the windows looking really smoky. It’s fine. Like the house is right there. So they wouldn’t let me [00:06:00] go in. At first they had to finish everything. And so he was probably about an hour before I actually stepped in.

[00:06:06] And in the meantime it was like the firefighters  gave me a bag, like a trash bag. And they were like, yeah, these are your pets. Here you go. I’m like, cool. What do I do with this? Like, I don’t even know what’s going on at this point. Like processing, like thanks, dude. Merry Christmas you too. And when we finally went inside, it was just like, This is not what you expect a fire to look like, but it’s also not what you expect your house to look like.

[00:06:34] Cassandra: So what did it look like?

[00:06:36]Jamie: When you walk in the front room? So we have a big open area, kitchen living room, dining room area, and it was dark. First of all, there was no electricity to the house.  The roof, like the ceiling, I guess not the roof completely in.

[00:06:52] Cassandra: Was it dark outside?

[00:06:54]Jamie: No, it was light outside, but it had gone all the way to the rafters, but all of the [00:07:00] windows.

[00:07:00] Yeah. All the windows were smoked over. So there was like soot, like a layer of soot and there was no lights inside and all you could see is just what was coming in from the door that had been kicked in. And it was just, the ceiling was down on the floor, insulation everywhere, chard everything, all my kitchen cabinets, half the ceiling, everything just on a big Ash pile.

[00:07:23] And I was just like, what? And then on top of that, it was wet, which is something I wasn’t expecting. But when the firefighters came in all the water, so it was like flooded city floating. Insulated ashy mess. And I was like, this is my house, but it’s not my house. Like I see part of my kitchen table is still there, but this isn’t, it is, but it’s not, it was like a weird, like this radiation.

[00:07:50] Yeah, exactly. Like I’m walking through this, like not fully grasping that it’s mine. Yeah, I guess so it was, it was very weird. And then [00:08:00] going, you know, Back through like the hallway, the kitchen, like the kitchen was gone.  Yeah, just having to step over things. And it was just like, it’s crazy. And the smell, it smelled like burnt Tupperware, like just permeating.

[00:08:17] And I’m just like, what just happened? I was just here like six hours ago. It was wild.

Hurricane Saved Us

So those honestly, if it weren’t for the hurricane, all of that would have been gone. 

[00:08:23] Cassandra: That is so wild because it’s so fast, right? It’s not like. You know, we grew up with hurricanes. So you got like days warning. There’s water coming. It’s going to be windy. You can prepare. It’s like it’s a matter of hours.

[00:08:38] Jamie: Exactly. And speaking of hurricane, that is actually why the things that did kind of make it through, made it through. It happened about just a couple of days after hurricane Irma. So that was projected to come straight to Tampa. And I’m a planner. So I bought all of these super heavy duty  like plastic locking containers and everything that I thought, [00:09:00] well, you know, if my roof comes off, these are the things that are going to protect my things.

[00:09:04] So they were all still in there because we were spared from Irma. We never even lost power, but  For this and apparently protected against heat against soot against water, against everything. So all my photos  like my son’s baby book, my jewelry, like all the things that you’re like if I ever, you know, had to run into my house at the last minute, these are the things I would take.

[00:09:28] Those were all in those plastic bins. So those honestly, if it weren’t for the hurricane, all of that would have been gone. 

[00:09:36] Cassandra: That’s crazy. What room were those things in? Like where they, they were away from the fire. I’m assuming they were out of the kitchen or…

[00:09:43]Jamie: they were out of the kitchen. They were back in my room, but in my rooms at the end of the house.

[00:09:48] So it’s kind of like a long floor plan where like, it kind of goes along and  and like, What does that hallway? So like, what is the word?  So it’s at the end of that, but what happened was, and we didn’t know, not something I would foresee is that when all of the firefighters came in, because we have these  high ceilings, when they sprayed all the water in them, Within the next day or two, all of the ceilings came down in the house.

[00:10:16] Is there anything that happened? Yup. Anything that wasn’t wrecked in the house became ruined. So it was just, it collapsed on to everything. It was a mess, but everything was safe because the soot when    The air conditioning, I guess, was running through the whole thing. So it took all of the smoke from the kitchen and covered everything in the house.

[00:10:37] So everything in every room was covered in a layer of soot and then of course water. And then within the next couple of days, the ceilings on top of it, water, mushy mess everywhere. So, but the pictures, the important things that I would like. Really want to cherish. All of those were  protected, like amazingly.

[00:10:57] Yeah. And if it weren’t for the hurricane, it wouldn’t have been.

Sleeping After the Fire

[00:11:02] Cassandra: so, okay. So your house burns down, you’ve got your pictures. What do you do that first night? Where do you like? I I’ve always wondered. Okay. Now these people you’re, you, you have no place to sleep. Arguably, do you stay with a family member or do you, what do you do?

[00:11:20] What did you do?

[00:11:21]Jamie: [00:11:21] We ended up staying in a hotel. We you’re trying to figure that out as well, because we don’t really, we were the stable ones. Like people stayed at our house and people were staying at our house because of Irma because they didn’t have power. And so we’re like, where are we going? Nobody has power.

[00:11:37] And nobody has room and we don’t really have money to go to these places. So our insurance ended up putting up us in a hotel for two weeks, and that’s where we stayed at. We walked in there looking like a bunch of bums covered in soot and smelling like smoke. And  that was home. That was the new home.

[00:11:55] Cassandra: [00:11:55] So you were there for two weeks. What’s high level. We [00:12:00] don’t have to get into the details, but I’m a nerd. And I think the people listening are probably nerds. If they’re listening to this  w what high-level overview, what happens with your insurance? So you’re like, At what, what, at what point did you call, were you like, well, I’m standing at my house and it’s burning down.

[00:12:15] Are you like soaking it up after going, Oh my God, I have to call insurance. Like how, what happened? 

[00:12:20] Jamie: [00:12:20] In fact, I was the first one.  I had a metal file container with all of my, you know, also locking and everything with all of my important documents, had everything in there because of the hurricane. And. As soon as I got to the house, I was like, we have to call our insurance company because aren’t you supposed to let them know immediately?

[00:12:36] Like I took it a little bit too, literally that within, within two hours of being at the house, I found the paperwork. I called them. I filed the claim.  And yeah, so basically they had an adjuster come out, but it ended up being weeks later because of Irma. They were so backed up.  They basically said, well, you can stay in the hotel for two weeks.

[00:12:55] And then after that, we can’t cover it anymore. So you need to find a place to live. [00:13:00] And good luck and they kind of just left it up to us. So we ended up staying almost an hour away. They were like, just to find somewhere, find somebody that will rent to you find somewhere furnished because we’re not going to pay for furnishings, like find all of these things.

[00:13:15] And it’s up to you now because you can’t stay in the hotel anymore. And we did. We moved in, about an hour away and stayed there for two months. And then right before Christmas, we had to get out because it was kind of like an Airbnb. And they were like, yeah, we have people coming. So you got to get out.

[00:13:30] And there was nowhere else to find because of course it’s Christmas in Florida and there’s nowhere. So we ended up going to see my dad for like a week and a half I’m in Wisconsin. We’re like, Ooh, we have nowhere to go. So let’s make a vacation out of it. And we did, and we came back, rented another house.

[00:13:45] And then went back to a hotel again and then finally made it back home after six months.

[00:13:50]Cassandra: [00:13:50] So you were out of your home, was it about six months from burn to move back in just over six months?

[00:13:58] Jamie: [00:13:58] Yeah. 

[00:14:00] [00:13:59] Cassandra: [00:13:59] Okay. Wow. So that’s like. Building a new home. That’s how long that takes essentially.

[00:14:04]Jamie: [00:14:04] And we moved in. It wasn’t even completely finished yet, but our insurance had run out.

And we moved in. It wasn’t even completely finished yet, but our insurance had run out.

[00:14:10] So we were like, yeah, y’all better have our house kind of ready. And they did. And they continued working on it for about another six months. 

[00:14:18] Cassandra: [00:14:18] So what else did they do? What else did they have left to do when you moved in? 

[00:14:23] Jamie: [00:14:23] They still had electrical stuff to, to left. They still had like all of the trimming and like finishing and all the little things.

[00:14:31] Like backsplashes some more tile work, things like that, but it was like able to be lived in while they did all these things. We just kind of had to work around people for the next several months. 

Insurance Questions

[00:14:43] Cassandra: [00:14:43] Did you just rebuild the exact same floor plan? 

[00:14:46] Jamie: [00:14:46] Exactly. So when the home burned down, it was down to the studs basically is how we had to tear it all down.

[00:14:52] So the foundation is the same. The garage is the same. The studs are the same, everything else is brand new. 

[00:14:58] Cassandra: [00:14:58] Gotcha. 

[00:14:59] So I’m [00:15:00] asking all these like nerdy questions, but now I’m like, okay, so wait, are you paying for your rental and your mortgage at the same time? 

[00:15:08] Jamie: [00:15:08] No. So the insurance there’s a portion of the insurance called ale.

[00:15:11] So that covers yes, very important to have, as it turns out, I had no idea what it was, but that covers your living expenses. When you’re out of your house due to a claim  always get extra. We found out that’s why we had to move back in our house because we were    approaching the six month Mark and we were out of funds.

[00:15:31] So for the last. Month or so old that was out of pockets. So thankfully it took us about that long where, you know, but yeah, we still to pay the mortgage and then thankfully they covered most of that living expense. 

I’m Not a Material Girl

So immediately, it was, it was the shock of not having anything like having to go to Walmart and buy a new toothbrush should not like not having the smallest things that you take for granted to being angry 

Jamie, the night of the fire

[00:15:45] Cassandra: [00:15:45] Okay. Okay. Well, that’s a kick in the teeth, but I mean, yeah. That’s what happens? My goodness.

[00:15:53] Okay. So it’s been a little bit cleansing for you cause you had stuff because the environments that we come [00:16:00] from, everybody saves everything. Cause we’re scared. We’re not going to have more  And you might need that one day. I feel like that’s the most common phrase in my family is why do you never know? You might need that one day. It’s a dollar. I can replace it for a dollar, like it’s going to be okay.  So what happens, like what sort of cleansing happened with that for you?

[00:16:20] Jamie: [00:16:20] So immediately, it was, it was the shock of not having anything like having to go to Walmart and buy a new toothbrush should not like not having the smallest things that you take for granted to being angry to all of a sudden, one day I called my dad.

[00:16:35] I’m like, you know what I feel okay about this. Like, I have made peace with losing everything and I realized that I don’t need these things in order to continue my life. I’ve had them. I haven’t had them for a month now. And I’m still okay. I’m still thriving. I’m still living my life. So I made my peace with that.

[00:16:53] And so now that we’re back in here, it’s kind of like, well, we can appreciate things and we [00:17:00] can have things, but I don’t let things have us, if that makes sense. So. It’s easier to kind of like let these things go rather than to be so attached to them.  Like I was before, because we were very much like that, like, Oh, we might need this, you know, weird thing that you can probably find a dollar tree, but we don’t might not have the extra dollar next week to go get it.

[00:17:19] So I’m going to go store this away in the garage. I’m going to store this under the bed.  It’s kind of given me a different mindset of what is really needed what’s wanted and what’s just extra. And now all the extra stuff makes me very anxious. Yeah. I don’t to hear it. Like, I don’t want it.

[00:17:41] Cassandra: [00:17:41] And that’s, that might not be everybody’s experience, but that was your experience just because. That you, it sounds like you kind of already had that in the back of your mind as like, well, I’m, you were wrestling with it maybe. And so it was like a forced cleansing of stuff. 

[00:17:55] Jamie: [00:17:55] Definitely. Cause it’s always one of those things like, Oh one day I’m going to get rid of all this and I’m going to be, you know, comfortable enough.

[00:18:01] But I was never at that point that I could just be so reckless to be like, yeah, let me throw it all away. And just hope that I’m good for tomorrow or next week. 

Show Up for a Friend Through Trauma

[00:18:08] Cassandra: [00:18:08] Right. Okay. So switching gears, if someone’s recently lost their home, what would you say to them? 

[00:18:18] Jamie: [00:18:18] This is one of the things that it’s…

It’s so nice to say, “Oh yeah, let me know if you need anything.” And it’s great. But I also feel like it’s kind of empty because there were a lot of people that said that to me. And so when I tried to call upon them, it was like, ‘Oh yeah, but I’m busy this week’ or, ‘Yeah, I can’t really do that right now.’ And for me, it was having somebody to watch my son because I had to come back to the house.

I had to try to pick through items… and I didn’t have anyone to even keep [my son]…

So I could do that without exposing him to all this. So it was just little things that I didn’t feel like people were really there. Like when they say, Oh yeah, let [00:19:00] me know if you need anything.

[00:19:01] So I feel like if somebody, you know, has experienced something traumatic, let them know how you can help. If you aren’t able to be there completely, whenever they need to. To have somebody for them, let them know, Hey, if you need a meal, let me know, and I can cook it. Or if you need a gift card here, something to, you know, McDonald’s or whatever the case may be  let them know specific ways that you can be there for them.

[00:19:23] Or if you are going to kind of give them a, let me know if you need me live up to it, just kind of be there and understand that they’re not going to be okay to talk about it right away and answer all the questions and kind of go through that whole. Traumatic process that sometimes I don’t, I couldn’t even form full sentences.

[00:19:43] I don’t think for a couple of weeks afterwards, I was just like in zombie mode, like, I don’t know. So just being there, honoring your word, honoring your commitments, and I guess having concrete ideas of how you can assist. I think those are all really [00:20:00] important things.

[00:20:01]Cassandra: [00:20:01] I think that’s really great advice.

[00:20:02] I’m I. I’m good at thinking of some ideas, but I can’t think of all the ideas. So I’m wondering if it would be helpful for me to say, like, what, what are your, like, what are your next steps so that I can figure, is that something that I could ask? Like, what are, what are you doing next? And how can I support you?

[00:20:22] Jamie: [00:20:22] I think that’s really nice to have too, because you’re getting that feedback in that, putting somebody in the moment, because I would get calls or texts like, Hey, what do you need right now? Or what are your kids need? And I’m like, well, I’m living out of hotel, so I really don’t even have any room for anything.

[00:20:34] But thank you for asking, because people would be like, Oh, you can have some clothes or here’s my kid’s old toys, but it’s more about, and it comes from a good place. I’m sure. But in, you know, my reaction where I’m like, I can’t take anything else. I don’t have room for it. There are six of us in hotel room, you know?

[00:20:51] We can’t take it, then it comes off more offensive. Like, Oh, I tried to offer her something and it, you know, she didn’t even want it when it’s not that at all. It’s like, I’m not in a [00:21:00] position to appreciate what you’re trying to do for me right now.  So yeah, I think a very good thing would be to ask somebody what is coming up so I can help you.

[00:21:09] And be kind of part of that process rather than just putting somebody on the spot. Like, what do you need right now at this moment at nine 53 and a Tuesday? You know, how can I help you right now? Because chances are, somebody’s going to have no idea. 

[00:21:22] Cassandra: [00:21:22] That’s really good advice, Jamie, I think  I, I appreciate you sharing such a hard time because you’re naturally just a pretty positive and upbeat person.

[00:21:32] And so  but I know during this time that I think that’s probably why you were. Zombie like, cause you’re like, my brain does not process these sorts of things that are happening. I’m looking for the logic and the rationale. And there is no, there is no rationale. It’s just something that happened.  And so I love, I love that you were willing to share that because it’s a, it is a really intimate story.

[00:21:56] How long ago, how long ago was the fire now? 

[00:22:00] [00:22:00] Jamie: [00:22:00] It was three years ago, last month. 

[00:22:02] Cassandra: [00:22:02] Okay. Oh, wow. So it’s still really fresh.  I mean, relatively speaking, I mean, I could say that in 30 years would be like, it wasn’t that long ago

[00:22:12]Jamie: [00:22:12] it was a life time ago, but it was also just yesterday. So it’s, there’s, there’s both of those kind of going on at once.

[00:22:18] Cassandra: [00:22:18] Yes. So crazy. Awesome. And I appreciate the like knowing what we can do, because I I’m, again, one of those people that’s like, I think I like, I’m happy to help. I just don’t even know what that means. 

[00:22:31] Jamie: [00:22:31] And I think I’m the same way as well. I’ve changed the way I try to react to people going through something, whether it’s a death, whether it’s through a, a breakup or a, you know, something traumatic like this it’s.

[00:22:44] It helps me to help them in a way just to know that wow. Every time I say that it’s kind of empty because Oh yeah. Let me know if you need me. But I’m not actually there if you need me. So it’s helped me to become better in that way. 

[00:22:58] Cassandra: [00:22:58] I’m so happy to see you. [00:23:00] And I look forward to talking to you soon. I’ll see you later.

[00:23:02] Jamie: [00:23:02] All right. Thank you so much. 

[00:23:04] Cassandra: [00:23:04] Okay, bye bye. 

Hanging Up

When Jamie described the importance of making specific offerings and following through, I was nodding like crazy. I love that. She talked about giving people space to process their grief and trauma instead of asking too many questions. Share how you show up for friends in trauma below.

[00:23:20] Thank you for being a great listener and making Jamie feel needed and known.

[00:23:24] Want to talk more between episodes? Follow me on Instagram at needed and known until you need me next time. Bye.